One of our cultural norms in the United States is the propensity to hug those we love, are fond of, happy to see, or want to say a special thank you to. Of course, other cultures do this as well, but not to the same extent as American’s.
In business or social situations, we will shake hands with those we have just met or do not really know. The grasp of another’s hand in a handshake, whether done by a man or woman, is supposed to be firm, not machismo crushing or limp like a dead fish. We do not shake hands and double or single kiss at the same time unless we’re aware that the person we are greeting hails from a culture that requires it.
Because some Americans are homophobic, straight men do not hold hands or kiss each other on the cheek, but it is okay to do a quick backslap and a very brief hug with a close friend or family member.
Hugs are short-lived or extended depending on the relationship with the other person. After becoming used to the etiquette at a church I attended when I lived in Washington, D.C., I got in the habit of doing full bear hugs with my male friends. This means that my breasts touched their chest. I had not even considered this might be inappropriate outside the church setting until an Australian friend demanded that I stop hugging her husband in this way. She thought I was hitting on him. I was not, but now I am more careful with both men and women. However, this kind of hug, the one where you hold your chest a few inches away and lean forward with your ass facing upward, or just with bent arms so you cannot actually touch, to me, feels insincere. If I am truly happy to see someone, what I still consider a “real” hug is how I choose to express it.
In Egypt, it was okay to hug or double kiss all my friends and acquaintances. In India, it depended on how well I knew someone, but the double kiss was the normal greeting in social situations. If a man was my friend, we also hugged, but if I just met him, we shook hands. In Mexico, I did not hug men. I shook their hand, but a polite greeting to a woman I had never met consisted of a single kiss to her right cheek followed by a brief hug. From my cultural perspective, this was over the top. I do not feel comfortable or sincere kissing people I do not know. I also learned that upon arriving at an event, one is supposed to greet everyone in the room. When leaving, you are supposed to do the reverse. I could never get myself to do this with any semblance of enthusiasm. In my culture, this is known as “working the room.” It is practiced by those who are running for political office or trying to sell you something.
Europeans also have their own rules. It just depends on their country or culture of origin. In some, a handshake is as close as you can get, in others, a double kiss is appropriate. When I lived in Cairo, I greeted a British acquaintance with a hug because I was happy to see her. She was initially quite taken aback, but then kindly responded by saying “Oh. Of course you’re an American.” How lovely that she understood my cultural norm and accepted that I was not being cheeky.
If an American hugs you, take it as a compliment. If they say that they are happy to see you, they probably are!