I Am Happier To Know You

We are facing a heartbreaking decision: whether or not to euthanize our horse Silencio.

The love we have for each of our animals does not exist in every culture or heart. This makes it difficult for everyone to understand the depth of our grief. Our ducks, cats, horses, even the deer that depend on our land for protection and food, are a part of our extended family. We would not have it any other way. They make us laugh and teach us about life from their perspective.

The situation with Silencio is forcing us to face our own mortality and that of every human being and animal we love. It is a reminder to live life in gratitude for every blessed second we share.

Thank you Silencio.

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I love country life. In many ways, I am seeing that it is a lifestyle I have yearned for.

I love the quiet, the opportunity to watch wildlife from every window of our house, even the constant parade of workers (“My harem” as Chuck calls them) who are implementing the changes that are turning our home and land into exactly what we want.

Now that the inside of our house is nearly finished (for now), with the arrival of warmer weather I have been concentrating on the removal of an abundance of weeds that have taken over every landscaped inch around our home. I have tilled each section, laid about a thousand yards of what I call “weed rugs” to suffocate the pests into submission and scattered nearly 200 bags of mulch. The ultimate goal is to achieve low maintenance and simple, but beautiful gardens for at least a few years.

I have learned to drive our truck that will also safely pull our horse trailer. Because of its massive, intimidating size, I call it “Mr. Testosterone.” It seems to know its way to every hardware store and nursery within a hundred mile radius! Our Kubota, an all terrain vehicle has been dubbed “Kubudda” because it has a large bed that makes my life so much easier by hauling the tools I need to work around the property.

I have learned that my desire to protect all wildlife is not always in its or our best interest. Last week a beautiful skunk began to wander around the yard during daylight hours. Since they are nocturnal, this was a warning sign I did not understand until our tile mason alerted me to the real possibility that the skunk was rabid. He killed it with his small shotgun. Immediately thereafter, vultures appeared to do their job. To my surprise, they sat and looked at the skunk as if trying to decide where to begin their small feast. I later learned that prey birds and animals intuitively know not to eat a rabid animal. Therefore, without touching it, I thanked the birds for being so smart and scooped the skunk into a wooden box. I placed it in our burn barrel (used to burn paper, etc. since we do not have garbage pickup), poured a little gasoline and some fresh wildflowers on top and cremated the poor thing.

I have learned how to make nonpoisonous weed killer and how to treat our ponds for algae and plants without harming the water or the environment and to use the wonderful resources available to us through the local Farm Bureau and Department of Agriculture.

I have come to understand why I, too will have only a farmer’s tan. There are fire ants everywhere. They attack in seconds and leave painful welts on any part of the body that is exposed. If you are allergic to them, the only thing that will save your life is an EpiPpen. We now have two.

Steel-toe boots and long pants are a necessity even when working in the yard. When using any kind of machinery, they protect against accidents to the feet and legs, bites from fire ants and any poisonous snakes that have gotten past our feisty outdoor cats. A wide-brim hat is necessary if you do not want to fry your brains in the strong sunlight.

Being around and observing our neighbors, I have developed a deep appreciation for their work ethic and willingness to drop what they are doing to help someone in need. They get up early and go to bed pretty close to sunset. Whether raising cattle, chickens, other livestock, hay, fruit, nuts or vegetables, their lives revolve around the weather. Too much rain is as bad as too little.

To my amusement, after a heavy rain, workmen are uncomfortable driving on our dirt road. To them minor flooding and mud holes are waiting to suck their trucks into oblivion. Since they have never experienced a monsoon season or roads that are impassable in perfect weather, I chuckle silently. It is all about what you are used to!

The people around me work seven days a week with time off for church on Sunday. In their spare time, they make money from cottage industries. Our painter and his wife cater community events and grow corn so that they can create a maze of cornstalks school groups enjoy losing themselves in. Others teach school during the day, tutor in the afternoon and work as wait staff in local hangouts on weekends. They always have time to help a neighbor and host parties in community parks everyone is invited to. Compared to them, my life is a breeze.

People are friendly. They wave when you pass them on the road and welcome you into their stores and homes. Everyone has time to talk about the weather and how the TV meteorologist messed up the forecast again. Until they know you, they will call you Ma’am or Miss or Mister. When you offer someone a cool drink, they rarely accept unless you have a relationship with them.

As always, it is wonderful to be busy, and to choose to take the time to observe the wonders around me, and the opportunity to think while working outside…

Many of you already know that after purchasing a small ranch in Texas, we have moved back to the United States.

Thus far, now that the hurdle of another international move is behind us and work on our house is gradually transforming it into a beautiful, home, I’m finding the transition has been easier than I imagined. While I have to drive a minimum of ten miles for emergency groceries and fifty or sixty for everything else, there are no elephants, donkey carts, rickshaws, or massive traffic jams to circumvent. In fact, the roads are superlative and the majority of other drivers are easygoing and polite, even at seventy miles per hour. As I drive, I listen to books on tape and enjoy the sight of open fields and a wispy sky that covers every shade of blue. 
          The Internet and occasional international phone calls keep me in touch with wonderful friends all over the world. Life is easier “back home,” but I am always grateful for my time abroad and for the lessons and joys of that journey. Some say that life is a series of interconnecting circles; where we are at any time is perfect and an opportunity to grow, often in ways we never thought possible. This has certainly been my experience.

Because a largely global audience reads my blog, for the next few months I plan to share some of the observations of my own culture as they pop into my consciousness.
         
For nearly ten years, my focus has been on learning how to acclimate to new cultures. Because Texas is, in general, more conservative, rural and agriculturally oriented than the East coast where I lived until moving to Egypt, in many ways I am experiencing a foreign culture within my own culture. My goal is to share what I see as I did while living overseas. Feel free to leave comments or questions in the blog comment box and I’ll work hard to include my answer(s) in a new one.

When even more human beings are finding it impossible to feed their children, it must be impossible for them to comprehend why anyone would feed a pet first or worry about its health and safety. Likewise, it is hard for those who have never had a pet to understand the grief experienced by those who have lost one. What they have no reason to comprehend is that love of another isn’t conditional upon their having two legs rather than four.

Like humans, every pet has its own distinct personality and character. Like us, they suffer deeply from past abuse and neglect. When they lose the person or people they love, they grieve and are afraid.

Animals like security and routine. They hate suitcases because it means that they will be left with a caretaker who doesn’t understand and love them the way their master does. They feel sad, won’t eat and spend far too much time sleeping or watching the front door of their home in anticipation of their owners return.

Any pet owner will tell you that their animal companions bring laughter, joy and love into their home. Their presence eliminates loneliness and gives those who are elderly or infirmed a sense of purpose and connection to life. When treated with love and kindness, their love is unconditional.

Most of all, I think they teach us to love without condition and to uncover and express depths of gratitude for their existence that we withhold from other human beings.

Because their lives are shorter than ours, adopting and caring for a pet makes us emotionally vulnerable in ways that are similar to opening ourselves to loving a child, a friend or a partner; for when we love, we expose ourselves to the pain of inevitable or tragic loss.

Savannah, my son’s Border collie died recently. Because she stayed with me for several months while he was in transition, we had the opportunity to come to know, then love each other. Her death was neither sudden nor unwelcome. She had just turned fifteen and had been failing for several months.

When I last saw her six months ago, I knew it would be the last time. She knew it, too. When I bent down to say goodbye, to give her a pat and a kiss I whispered that I would see her in heaven and looked forward to taking care of her again until her master joined us. She looked up at me and seemed to say “Thanks for understanding. I’m going to hold on as long as I can for him. I know I don’t have much time left, but I’m going to live it as fully as possible.” That’s exactly what she did.

Between bouts of age-related illnesses, she rallied to enjoy long hikes, to climb two hundred natural steps and to walk miles without resting. She died peacefully in her sleep on her terms and in her time.

Savannah wasn’t “just” a dog. She was a member of our family. Her sense of humor and wisdom shown through brown eyes that saw and experienced everything around her. With the tilt of a head she asked “What’s wrong?” With a sideways butt wag she would welcome the return of those she loved.  When she wanted to eat or to be walked, she’d sit in front of me and whine until I stopped ignoring her. Her communication skills were amazing.

Savannah was buried on a hilltop overlooking the Pacific Ocean. Her master has planted a tree to shade her body which will in turn nourish the soil. I sent him the letter I wrote to Savannah and asked him to plant it with the tree. We all do similar things for those we have loved and lost. I’m glad I could do it for her.

Copyright 2009 by Jeanne M. Eck. All rights reserved. For permission to reprint or to quote extensively from this article, please contact the author at iamhappiertoknowyou.com

Now that we’re living in Mexico City, it has become easier for family and friends to visit us from the U.S.

We recently finished a two-week visit with Chuck’s parents. It was wonderful! Not only did we have the chance to get to know each other better, more importantly I had the privilege of setting aside my “normal” life to concentrate on making their visit a memorable one.

Before they arrived, I was surprised by how many expatriate women found it necessary to offer me condolences rather than blessings for the upcoming visit. I was shocked that not one woman expressed gratitude for the role her husbands family played in creating the man she married. Neither did they acknowledge that his family has earned the right to be included in their lives and that their family history is as worthy of respect as theirs is.

Women of all ages shared their “in-law woes” and couldn’t understand why I was so positive about the impending visit. I tried to explain that I saw it as an opportunity to express, in a small way, my gratitude for their bringing their son into the world and helping to shape him into the kind, gentle, loving man I married.  In turn, Chuck was thrilled to have time together and for them to see why he loves me. I don’t know if they did, but what I do know is that their visit was precious and I’m grateful for every meal I cooked and the time we spent together on day trips, at home and in our garden.

When so many families are being torn apart by the inability to embrace and respect their respective partner’s heritage, or to express gratitude for the love a new family member brings to their child, wouldn’t it be wonderful if we put aside our issues and truly open our hearts to appreciating each other? It could begin by just saying “thank you.”

Copyright 2009 by Jeanne M. Eck. All rights reserved. For permission to reprint or to quote extensively from this article, please contact the author at iamhappiertoknowyou.com