Walking the Cultural Gauntlet

One of the most important facets of living in a foreign country is to respect and stay open to understanding the culture that surrounds you. It is equally important to give yourself permission to decline to participate in cultural practices that make you uncomfortable or may, when you return to your own culture, put you at physical or cultural risk.

For example, when I lived in Mumbai, India I had to decide that the cultural norm of not giving money or produce to aggressive beggars was one I shouldn’t break because it attracted more beggars to the area and made the lives of shopkeepers more difficult. This was a thorny decision for me to make because I believe that human being to human being, it is everyone’s responsibility to feed those who are hungry even if the chances are high that they are professional beggars who work for the local mafia. So, to compensate, I worked hard with a local expatriate club to raise money to feed and train the poor.

In India, it is impolite to yell or to push a stranger, but beggars often became physically aggressive with foreigners (something they would never do to an Indian). When I was touched or grabbed, not only did I physically shake the aggressor off, I also yelled bloody murder. Why? Because in my culture, and in most parts of the world, if a stranger grabs hold of you, you are in physical danger and must stop the assault before it becomes more aggressive.

Some Indians jump ahead in line or interrupt a transaction in progress so they can be waited on first. It is common for a merchant to try and fill several orders at once. I quickly learned to say as appropriate, “Please finish with me first,” or “Please wait your turn.” I don’t know if it was rude to stand my ground, but it felt good when I did and the errant customer usually backed off very quickly.

In Egypt, when interacting with men I didn’t know, I had to learn to be less polite and friendly than my cultural norms dictate. This is because the assumption is often made that as a foreigner and a non Muslim, foreign woman are more sexually available. Because I’m not Muslim, I did not wear a headscarf, but I dressed appropriately for the culture by wearing pants or long skirts and dresses but, as is the cultural norm, on hot days I did not wear long-sleeve tops because they were too hot and my menopausal body couldn’t take it.

At social events in Mexico, one is supposed to greet and say goodbye to every guest with a kiss and or touch of the arm. Although I’ve learned to “almost” make the complete rounds, to kiss people I don’t know makes me feel like a phony and conflicts with my cultural belief that if one “works the room” it is because they are campaigning for elective office or trying to sell something. Conversely, as an American I’m a natural hugger and toucher with those I’m fond of and happy to see which can make some Europeans very uncomfortable.

It is always important to be respectful of your host countries culture. As the world becomes more global, it is equally important for those from a host culture to understand that we all have been raised with cultural norms and taboos we’re not comfortable compromising and to never jump to the conclusion that someone else is rude because their ways are different. After all, they may find themselves being judged just as harshly by those who haven’t taken the time to learn about and to respect their customs and they may miss out on the opportunity for a wonderful friendship.

I Am Happier To Know You