I Am Happier To Know You

Before leaving the United States for Egypt in 2001, I had always lived in or on the perimeter of a major city. When my children were very small, my friends were mostly limited to neighborhood stay at home moms. Until I became involved in community and political volunteer work, I often felt brain dead from the lack of intellectual stimulation. These activities, and later fulltime work, quickly expanded my community of friends from many different occupations and lifestyles. Outside my immediate neighborhood, it was easy to find people with similar interests and to fit in.

I have found that rural residents are far less open to newcomers simply because they are not family. This is as true in New England as it is in Texas. At the local farmer’s co-op, I was taken aback by a comment made by a young man whose family has lived in the area for generations.

We had talked to him about clearing some land with his bulldozer before a neighbor told us about a mulching system that, unlike a bulldozer, does not destroy the roots of the large trees we wanted to save. When he called to schedule the work, Chuck had to tell him that we had changed our minds. When I saw him at the co-op, he did not seem upset. His only comment was “I was really worried that I called too early for people like you.”

“Excuse me,” I replied. “What is a ‘people like you’?”

He stammered for a moment and said, “You know, city folk.”

I laughed in response.

“Why did you move here anyway?” he asked with obvious curiosity.

“We came here to show ‘people like you’ that liberals are as kind and as good a neighbor and friend as you are,” I replied tartly. He laughed.

He had hit a nerve. I adamantly dislike being boxed up as a one-dimensional human being. Just like him, I am multidimensional.

What he did not know is that I have made a conscious decision to become an active member of our community. There are liberal areas a little more than an hour away where I would find it easier to “fit in” but I do not live there. I live here.

I wrote “I Am Happier to Know You” because I wanted to share my discovery that despite our cultural and religious differences, we are all the same. I believe that learning about each other and then honoring and respecting our differences is the key to world peace.

So. I am still walking my talk, but now within my own culture. I have retained my sense of humor and understanding that when we understand and respect our differences we can then build upon our similarities.

Copyright 2010 by Jeanne M. Eck. All rights reserved. For permission to reprint or to quote extensively from this article, please contact the author at iamhappiertoknowyou.com

Those, whose work depends upon their ability to construct pictures and thoughts with or without words, develop their own method to stimulate the creative process. As a writer, I’ve had limited success utilizing techniques that worked for others.

Many successful writers swear that the only way to write is to do so each day. It has been said that Hemingway always left a sentence unfinished so that the next time he sat before his typewriter his writing would flow with its completion.

When I suffered my first bout of writer’s block, reading a beautifully written book was enough to stimulate my writing juices. Cleaning or baking had the same powerful impact. Today, hard physical labor and connection to the earth through gardening is where I find myself inhaling grounding energy, my smorgasbord of creativity. It is not an instantaneous process but a cumulative one. Working with the earth and animals gets me out of my head and into my heart, the place where my best work shines forth. In this state, a blog is written in an hour or two rather than over several excruciating days.

Nearly a year ago the idea for a novel began to percolate within my head. Because I refused to stay in my heart space, I ruined the first chapters by changing them. Obviously, I was not ready for the novel to be written. Because I have come to understand my unique process, I no longer suffer from the guilt and and-wringing of “writer’s block.” Quite simply, if I am blocked, I cannot and should not write.

Around the 29th of this month, I’ll have exciting news to share. It will require your help. Until then!

Since “I Am Happier to Know You” was released, I have received lovely fan mail from my readers as well as inquires asking for my help with homework because the student doesn’t have time to read my book and an alarming number from women who thought or think they have found love via the Internet with Egyptian men.

The letters from naive women have much in common, in particular extreme anxiety to find love even when red flags fly at full mast clearly warning them to run the other way. What is most hair-raising is the knowledge that in the majority of cases, the women who are prepared to pack up their lives (and often their children) and move half way around the world to a country where they don’t know the language, the laws, customs, or culture don’t understand that they very well may be running to a situation that can destroy their essence forever. They also don’t have time to read my book. Yikes!

This, of course, brings up a far larger issue. What has happened to so many women that they are willing to risk their lives and future on pretty words that camouflage falsehoods? Where is their self-esteem? Do they think so little of themselves that they’re willing to cede that which makes them who they are?

Of course there are wonderful foreign men seeking true love, but how do you separate them out from those who want a visa to your country or access to your bank account? Internet dating sites can be wonderful, but also a minefield of hooligans. How do you know the difference? Read my book, and then if you have questions, feel free to write to me.

The best lessons I have learned through a lifetime of mistakes include honoring my instincts and my value as a woman and a human being. It is far better to be alone than it is to be with someone who wants you to change to fit into their life. Love is about helping each other to grow, not about bullying someone into becoming what they never were and don’t want to become. Love is about compromise that is easy and right, not about capitulation to another’s beliefs and values to keep the love you never really had. Love is also about being open to a potential partner’s values and culture. You don’t want him to change you, why would he want you to change him, especially within his own culture?

And if you have a homework assignment, please read “I Am Happier to Know You” before contacting me. I always answer my email and try to help. My time is as valuable as yours. If you don’t have time to read my book because your assignment is due in 24 hours, don’t expect me to spend hours of my work and personal life schedule to rehash what is already available to you. I’m an author, not your mother.

Copyright 2009 by Jeanne M. Eck. All rights reserved. For permission to reprint or to quote extensively from this article, please contact the author at iamhappiertoknowyou.com